Stagnant

Life in general feels like it’s at a standstill right now. Nothings happening, I have no motivation to make anything happen, nothings getting done. I feel like I haven’t really started the spending ban yet. Like I’m not spending as much but I’m still not sticking to the rules.

I don’t actually entirely remember the rules so here’s a refresher:

Essentials

  • Tithe
  • Groceries
  • Toiletries
  • Bills
  • Car maintenance

Non-Essentials:

  • Fast food
  • Take out/delivery
  • New Makeup/skincare (I can replace things I run out of, but cannot buy new thing to try out.)
  • New stationery (same as makeup, I can replace necessities that get used up.)
  • Clothes
  • Shoes

Approved Spending:

    Travel – if budgeted
    Gifts for others
    Things on my apartment list (certain pieces of furniture that I need)
    A new bullet journal, if the old one is full.
    Supplies to fix my desk and hang things on the wall.
    Things that need to be replaced, as long as I throw out the old item

And I also have a shopping list that I need to get now:

  • Lipstick for work- I used up all of my neutral colors.
  • Work pants.
  • Groceries, but first I need to meal plan so that I can meal prep. I also need to clean my kitchen and fridge.

This post is kind of all over the place but it’s helping me get my thoughts together and I don’t have the energy to put together a coherent post.

So the to do list is:

  • Please for the love of all things good and holy, gold the laundry.
  • Clean and declutter kitchen.
  • Refrigerator purge.
  • Meal plan
  • Grocery shop
  • Meal prep.
  • Clean out the oven cause I burned some stuff and have been to lazy to clean it.

I’ve been my only roadblock lately, it kind of feels like I want myself to fail so that I can just give up but I refuse to give up. I will accomplish the tasks I planned for today and I will do them today.

Week 3-4

A week an a half with nothing written. Go me.

Okay but I’m not going to beat myself up, that’s some high strung Virgo nonsense and even though I’m a Virgo I’m not gonna do it.

It’s been a really strange month so far. I’ve been sick on and off (turns out it was a stomach ulcer likely caused by stress) I was staying in someone else’s house for two weeks, and I didn’t have any kind of planner until last Friday (I couldn’t get any of my thoughts organized.)

The spending ban hast started off well. I’m still spending too much on things I definitely don’t need. But I will not give up on myself. If nothing else this month has helped me realize some of my triggers and deeper problems. I go out to eat and to coffee shops as a way to escape whatever is going on at home. I like to think I’m good at handling conflict, but I turned out I’m only good at helping other people handle their conflicts. My conflict? Not so much. I can already tell that if I do this properly then I’m going to have to deal with things that I don’t want to and confront some things that have been nicely suppressed for a while now. And since I have been staying in more, instead of dealing with my family stuff I just watch Netflix. I have wasted so much time in the last week and a half just staring at a screen. There is nothing intentional about that. I think for at least the next couple of weeks I’m going to do a Netflix/streaming/tv detox. No watching shows for 2 weeks starting today, June 24. I can watch movies because those aren’t really binge-able and I don’t get lost in it and waste hours.

I need to set up a plan for this week. The plan is: No tv shows. No spending. Finally finish decluttering. Get rid of the boxes of stuff. Journal daily so I can write more cohesive posts. Schedule and oils class.

It’s really short this week but this is all I got. And anything worth doing is worth doing poorly so this is what it is.

Adjusting My Perspective

I have been sick all week. I saved money in a way I didn’t want to since I didn’t eat, while not making as much money as I need because I didn’t work. and in writing that sentence I realize that I’m focusing on money in the wrong way. I know this is all about a spending ban but I’m focusing too much on what I can’t spend and what I need to earn. What I’m going to do is shift to thinking about saving and what I truly value and wish to spend my money on. In a capitalist society like America we truly vote with our dollars and I haven’t been making an informed vote in that regard. I always try educate myself about candidates and elections but I don’t bother to research the companies I’m supporting. From now on I’m going to research before I buy anything. The buying process up to this point was me trying to be more mindful about what I’m spending and if I truly wanted the thing and if it would add value to my life, now I’ll add this next step.

This project is also supposed to be about learning to live a more intentional and healthy life, and I haven’t written about or focused on that at all. my past week has been a mixed bag when it comes to intentions. I have been waking up earlier and i have a sort of routine because I’m dog sitting for a friend and I have to do certain things for the dogs in the morning before I go to work. I’ve also been making breakfast and trying to have some time to relax before work. I’ve even been watching a show while I do all of this in the morning. My mom often has the TV on in the background, but I always viewed that as noise, because sometimes she’s said that she just wants the noise, but at times I’ve hated it because it was mindless. Even before I started trying to be mindful, I was bothered by the fact that she wasn’t paying attention to what she was consuming, she would just let it run and was so uncomfortable with silence. Having a show on in the morning was a very small thing that I was judging myself for because i didn’t want to be mindless about it. I had to have a conversation with myself about why it was okay to enjoy it; I was selecting a show to watch, not just turning on whatever was on. I wasn’t letting it go for hours and hours, I watch one or two episodes and then move on. I also have to think about why I judge people so much. I judged my mom for having background noise. I judged one of my brothers so much for years that we have a strained relationship now, and what I was judging him over had absolutely nothing to do with me, a few days ago we talked about it and had a better conversation than we have in years, possibly ever. i have a lot of work to do to repair that relationship and others simply because I’ve been so judgmental in the past.

I like to have intentions instead of goals, mostly because calling it that makes me thing about them differently and motivates me to do it. my weekly intentions are different than my to do list because they’re more about bigger changes I’m trying to make rather than tasks I have to complete

Intentions for this week

  1. Read a book (my goal is to read 3 per month this year)
  2. be generous
  3. Do something creative
  4. Pray and read the Bible daily
  5. Be kind
  6. complain less

To Do

  1. Fill out FAFSA by 6/17
  2. Finish declutter by 6/17
  3. Post all items for sale by 6/20

Update #1

Week 1

Success rate: 70%

Percentage of belongings gotten rid of: 60%

Current To-Do list (with deadlines!):

⁃ fill out FAFSA – by 6/5

⁃ Sell old text books – post them by EOD 6/16

⁃ Sell and donate old clothes – been posted on poshmark @texaskate912 go check it out.

⁃ Repair and spot treat damaged and stained clothes – by 6/20

⁃ Finish decluttering!! – by 6/20

I’ve updated the deadline on the declutter and posting the text books because I’ll be away from my house till the 14th

I impulse bought a coffee yesterday. I feel bad about it but I don’t want to beat myself up over a coffee. I am mad at myself for not drinking enough water lately because these headaches are killer.

I’m dog sitting for a family friend and I’m staying here for the next week and a half. I just got a bunch of groceries, they should last the rest of the time that I’m here so eating out shouldn’t be a problem. And they have a French press so I’m finally going to have good coffee, coffee that didn’t come from a small plastic cup. I’m very excited.

I’m feeling pretty scattered right now because I don’t have a bullet journal to help me stay organized. I just ran out of pages in the old one and can’t afford a new one yet because I’m short on rent. But we’ll get there. Thankfully I’m only paying rent to my parents and they’re very forgiving.

Other than that things are looking and feeling good.

Have a great week, talk again soon.

Commitment Issues

I’m already having trouble with this thing and it doesn’t even start till Saturday.

Two of the last three days have been taken up by the worst migraine I’ve ever had, I slept for 10 hours and it didn’t go away, I laid in bed for the next few hours just thinking about my issues. A super fun rabbit hole to go down, I visit it frequently. But I kept trying to talk myself out of the spending ban. I did this by beating myself up. You never stick with anything what makes you think you could do this? For a whole year?? You’ve barely stayed with any job for more that a year, you couldn’t handle college, you’ve never even had a relationship. Why even try if you’re going to fail? I as mean as I was being to myself, I had a point. There’s a pattern in how I handle things. I hate endings so I don’t finish things. I always have a five or ten year plan yet I am terrified of whatever might come next. What if it’s not what I planned for? What if it is but I hate it?

What if it feels right now but it doesn’t later? What if I commit and it’s the wrong thing? This is my biggest fear in life. Not commitment, but unwise or wrong commitments. I’ve watched people who think they made the right deduction crash and burn but they’re stuck with the choice.

I didn’t intend to get very personal on this blog, I wanted to do facts only but I’m gonna talk about personal shit. I’m going to say whatever I need to and not worry about who reads it or if anyone does. This is for me.

This year I’m going to break down my fears and move past them. I’m going to finish things. I’m going to commit. It’s okay if it’s not right. It’s okay if I crash and burn. But I won’t because all the things I’m afraid of doing are the things I’ve always wanted to pursue. I know that I want these things so I know it’s right.

I’m going to deal with my commitment issues. I promise. I have to fill out fafsa, apply for, attend, and graduate cosmetology school, finish my B.A. in psychology, and begin my career. Also successfully complete this spending ban. That’s only like 7 things, no problem.

Current To-Do list (with deadlines!):

⁃ fill out FAFSA – by 6/5

⁃ Sell old text books – post them by EOD 6/2

⁃ Sell and donate old clothes – post by EOD 6/2

⁃ Repair and spot treat damaged and stained clothes – by 6/6

⁃ Finish decluttering!! – by 6/1

I’m going to be a lot more active here than I thought. Like, I’ll 100% post weekly updates on Monday but this is basically a journal every other day of the week.

Journal

Okay, so this may be more of a daily journal kind of blog that a weekly update because I’m challenging myself to be real with the world. Speaking about what’s going on in me and in my life, not ignoring things that I deem shameful or embarrassing or just unnecessary to talk about (that last one happens a lot, just ask my mom.)

I’m gonna tell y’all where I’m coming from at the beginning of this journey and not just leave it to your imaginations.

I’m exhausted. All the time. I push myself to do everything, not because I have to but because all the things are things I enjoy; helping at church, my job, spending time with friends, building my business, organizing my home (which is currently a LOT to do), and whatever else I decide to just say yes to. It’s a lot, and I love all the things, but, like, y’all. It’s a lot. I got to a point recently where I volunteered so much at church that I hadn’t actually been to service in a month. A month?? I was taking no time for myself, I was starting to get depressed and angry at all the things I was doing that I used to love doing. This is honestly what prompted the hoed look at my life that led to a spending ban. I’m not really sure how a led to b, but here we are. I’m focusing on my health – mental, physical, and financial – and making my self a priority for once. I’m not perfect. This will not make me perfect. I expect some slip ups with the ban but I won’t excuse them. I want to be more conscious of how I exist and what effect I have. My effect on the people around me, myself, the planet, and whoever comes after me; weather that’s the next person to come in to a room or the generations to come in this world.

I float through most days. I have no intentions in my free time, during all the scheduled and committed things I have a plan and a task list, but in my free time I usually end up watching video after video on YouTube or face book and accomplishing nothing and then feeling bad about my ever increasing to do list.

One of my biggest annoyances in life is when people complain about things, do nothing to fix or change the situation, and then continue to complain about it. So here’s the plan: 1. I’m going to start every day with an intention, big or small, doesn’t matter, just a focus for the day. 2. I’m going to post my to-do list in here and keep it updated. Everyone who reads this will help keep me accountable. And 3. I’m going to post a before and after of my room. I’m going to post it working 2 weeks, both on this blog and on Instagram(Katy.b54). The “before” picture was actually taken about halfway through and it’s still awful.

My environment and health have long been a reflection of my mental state, and vice versa. I’m ready for all of it to get better. And instead of waiting for it to happen I’m going to make it happen.

The Spending Ban

I am basing my spending ban on the guidelines in The Year of Less, by Cait Flanders.

The main guide I have for this adventure will be the lists, there are three of them. The Essentials- the things that must be spent, Non-Essentials- the things I definitely do not need, and Approved Spending, things I need and have been looking for.

Essentials

  • Tithe
  • Groceries
  • Toiletries
  • Bills
  • Car maintenance

Non-Essentials:

  • Fast food
  • Take out/delivery
  • New Makeup/skincare (I can replace things I run out of, but cannot buy new thing to try out.)
  • New stationery (same as makeup, I can replace necessities that get used up.)
  • Clothes
  • Shoes

Approved Spending:

    Travel – if budgeted
    Gifts for others
    Things on my apartment list (certain pieces of furniture that I need)
    A new bullet journal, my current one only has 2 pages left.
    Supplies to fix my desk and hang things on the wall.
    Things that need to be replaced, as long as I throw out the old item

I will have a savings account specifically for money that this ban is saving me, I haven’t decided yet if I’ll deposit a certain amount monthly or if I’ll just deposit as I go whatever I’m not spending. We’ll see.

I’m going to keep track of everything I do spend, even the essentials, so I know exactly where my money is going.

The first step after making my lists was decluttering, this is still ongoing. So far I have donated or sold 40% of my stuff. I still have a surprisingly long way to go. I’m discovering that I have a lot more junk than I thought. After I finish the decluttering process I’ll organize everything, take inventory, and post before and after pictures with the final breakdown of what I got rid of. The reason I want to have an inventory of everything is to know what I have and abound buying essentials that I actually had extras of. I also unsubscribed from all coupon mailing lists so that I’m not bombarded with extra advertisements every day.

I think that this entire process of the spending ban is going to show me some things about myself. I want to address why I feel the need to buy things, what void in myself am I trying to fill. How can I change my behaviors to appreciate what I have and value different things. I’m going to practice being more intentional, questioning what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. Actually thinking before I act. Or spend.

This is going to be an interesting journey, especially the part where I’ve chosen to write out and publish my thoughts on this blog, this is very outside my comfort zone and I hope that I get better at it as the year goes on.

I’ll be posting every Monday at 12pm cst with updates and check-ins.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Have an amazing week.

The Beginning

Hi, my name is Katy. I’m starting this blog to document a journey. On June 1st, 2019 I will begin a year long spending ban, along with that I will be documenting what I learn about fitness, wellness, and living a more intentional life.

I feel like the main question right now is why? Why now, why have I chosen this year to do a no spend challenge and to get healthy and to basically change my life? Because I’m sick of it. I’m sick of never saving money, of being 300 pounds, of struggling to pay bills, of getting winded going up the stairs, and sick of breaking my foot just by walking (it’s happened 3 times). So I read a book called “The Year of Less” by Cait Flanders and was inspired/motivated do more for myself. I’ve been telling myself for years that I’m going to quit fast food and start eating healthy and lose weight and all these great ideas but I never did it. I never needed it like I do now. I hit 300 pounds and crashed my car. My car was payed off and now I suddenly had a car payment. This raised my financial necessity. Hitting 300lbs was a seriously low point for me, it made me realize that if I don’t do something soon I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. I’m 22, I don’t want to be restricted by obesity in what should be the most adventurous time of my life.

So now I’m going to do it, all the dreams and ideas that I never really committed to, now I’m committing. This blog is for documentation and accountability. I’ll post at least once a week, every Monday, with updates of how the challenge is going, how I’m feeling, what I’m learning, and what I’m struggling with.

Thank you for reading and for supporting me on this journey. Please feel free to comment or send me questions.

Have an amazing week!