Life in general feels like it’s at a standstill right now. Nothings happening, I have no motivation to make anything happen, nothings getting done. I feel like I haven’t really started the spending ban yet. Like I’m not spending as much but I’m still not sticking to the rules.

I don’t actually entirely remember the rules so here’s a refresher:

Essentials

• Tithe
• Groceries
• Toiletries
• Bills
• Car maintenance

Non-Essentials:

• Fast food
• Take out/delivery
• New Makeup/skincare (I can replace things I run out of, but cannot buy new thing to try out.)
• New stationery (same as makeup, I can replace necessities that get used up.)
• Clothes
• Shoes

Approved Spending:

Travel – if budgeted

Gifts for others

Things on my apartment list (certain pieces of furniture that I need)

A new bullet journal, if the old one is full.

Supplies to fix my desk and hang things on the wall.

Things that need to be replaced, as long as I throw out the old item

And I also have a shopping list that I need to get now:

• Lipstick for work- I used up all of my neutral colors.
• Work pants.
• Groceries, but first I need to meal plan so that I can meal prep. I also need to clean my kitchen and fridge.

This post is kind of all over the place but it’s helping me get my thoughts together and I don’t have the energy to put together a coherent post.

So the to do list is:

• Please for the love of all things good and holy, gold the laundry.
• Clean and declutter kitchen.
• Refrigerator purge.
• Meal plan
• Grocery shop
• Meal prep.
• Clean out the oven cause I burned some stuff and have been to lazy to clean it.

I’ve been my only roadblock lately, it kind of feels like I want myself to fail so that I can just give up but I refuse to give up. I will accomplish the tasks I planned for today and I will do them today.

A week an a half with nothing written. Go me.

Okay but I’m not going to beat myself up, that’s some high strung Virgo nonsense and even though I’m a Virgo I’m not gonna do it.

It’s been a really strange month so far. I’ve been sick on and off (turns out it was a stomach ulcer likely caused by stress) I was staying in someone else’s house for two weeks, and I didn’t have any kind of planner until last Friday (I couldn’t get any of my thoughts organized.)

The spending ban hast started off well. I’m still spending too much on things I definitely don’t need. But I will not give up on myself. If nothing else this month has helped me realize some of my triggers and deeper problems. I go out to eat and to coffee shops as a way to escape whatever is going on at home. I like to think I’m good at handling conflict, but I turned out I’m only good at helping other people handle their conflicts. My conflict? Not so much. I can already tell that if I do this properly then I’m going to have to deal with things that I don’t want to and confront some things that have been nicely suppressed for a while now. And since I have been staying in more, instead of dealing with my family stuff I just watch Netflix. I have wasted so much time in the last week and a half just staring at a screen. There is nothing intentional about that. I think for at least the next couple of weeks I’m going to do a Netflix/streaming/tv detox. No watching shows for 2 weeks starting today, June 24. I can watch movies because those aren’t really binge-able and I don’t get lost in it and waste hours.

I need to set up a plan for this week. The plan is: No tv shows. No spending. Finally finish decluttering. Get rid of the boxes of stuff. Journal daily so I can write more cohesive posts. Schedule and oils class.

It’s really short this week but this is all I got. And anything worth doing is worth doing poorly so this is what it is.

I have been sick all week. I saved money in a way I didn’t want to since I didn’t eat, while not making as much money as I need because I didn’t work. and in writing that sentence I realize that I’m focusing on money in the wrong way. I know this is all about a spending ban but I’m focusing too much on what I can’t spend and what I need to earn. What I’m going to do is shift to thinking about saving and what I truly value and wish to spend my money on. In a capitalist society like America we truly vote with our dollars and I haven’t been making an informed vote in that regard. I always try educate myself about candidates and elections but I don’t bother to research the companies I’m supporting. From now on I’m going to research before I buy anything. The buying process up to this point was me trying to be more mindful about what I’m spending and if I truly wanted the thing and if it would add value to my life, now I’ll add this next step.

This project is also supposed to be about learning to live a more intentional and healthy life, and I haven’t written about or focused on that at all. my past week has been a mixed bag when it comes to intentions. I have been waking up earlier and i have a sort of routine because I’m dog sitting for a friend and I have to do certain things for the dogs in the morning before I go to work. I’ve also been making breakfast and trying to have some time to relax before work. I’ve even been watching a show while I do all of this in the morning. My mom often has the TV on in the background, but I always viewed that as noise, because sometimes she’s said that she just wants the noise, but at times I’ve hated it because it was mindless. Even before I started trying to be mindful, I was bothered by the fact that she wasn’t paying attention to what she was consuming, she would just let it run and was so uncomfortable with silence. Having a show on in the morning was a very small thing that I was judging myself for because i didn’t want to be mindless about it. I had to have a conversation with myself about why it was okay to enjoy it; I was selecting a show to watch, not just turning on whatever was on. I wasn’t letting it go for hours and hours, I watch one or two episodes and then move on. I also have to think about why I judge people so much. I judged my mom for having background noise. I judged one of my brothers so much for years that we have a strained relationship now, and what I was judging him over had absolutely nothing to do with me, a few days ago we talked about it and had a better conversation than we have in years, possibly ever. i have a lot of work to do to repair that relationship and others simply because I’ve been so judgmental in the past.

I like to have intentions instead of goals, mostly because calling it that makes me thing about them differently and motivates me to do it. my weekly intentions are different than my to do list because they’re more about bigger changes I’m trying to make rather than tasks I have to complete

Intentions for this week

1. Read a book (my goal is to read 3 per month this year)
2. be generous
3. Do something creative
4. Pray and read the Bible daily
5. Be kind
6. complain less

To Do

1. Fill out FAFSA by 6/17
2. Finish declutter by 6/17
3. Post all items for sale by 6/20

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton