Journal

Okay, so this may be more of a daily journal kind of blog that a weekly update because I’m challenging myself to be real with the world. Speaking about what’s going on in me and in my life, not ignoring things that I deem shameful or embarrassing or just unnecessary to talk about (that last one happens a lot, just ask my mom.)

I’m gonna tell y’all where I’m coming from at the beginning of this journey and not just leave it to your imaginations.

I’m exhausted. All the time. I push myself to do everything, not because I have to but because all the things are things I enjoy; helping at church, my job, spending time with friends, building my business, organizing my home (which is currently a LOT to do), and whatever else I decide to just say yes to. It’s a lot, and I love all the things, but, like, y’all. It’s a lot. I got to a point recently where I volunteered so much at church that I hadn’t actually been to service in a month. A month?? I was taking no time for myself, I was starting to get depressed and angry at all the things I was doing that I used to love doing. This is honestly what prompted the hoed look at my life that led to a spending ban. I’m not really sure how a led to b, but here we are. I’m focusing on my health – mental, physical, and financial – and making my self a priority for once. I’m not perfect. This will not make me perfect. I expect some slip ups with the ban but I won’t excuse them. I want to be more conscious of how I exist and what effect I have. My effect on the people around me, myself, the planet, and whoever comes after me; weather that’s the next person to come in to a room or the generations to come in this world.

I float through most days. I have no intentions in my free time, during all the scheduled and committed things I have a plan and a task list, but in my free time I usually end up watching video after video on YouTube or face book and accomplishing nothing and then feeling bad about my ever increasing to do list.

One of my biggest annoyances in life is when people complain about things, do nothing to fix or change the situation, and then continue to complain about it. So here’s the plan: 1. I’m going to start every day with an intention, big or small, doesn’t matter, just a focus for the day. 2. I’m going to post my to-do list in here and keep it updated. Everyone who reads this will help keep me accountable. And 3. I’m going to post a before and after of my room. I’m going to post it working 2 weeks, both on this blog and on Instagram(Katy.b54). The “before” picture was actually taken about halfway through and it’s still awful.

My environment and health have long been a reflection of my mental state, and vice versa. I’m ready for all of it to get better. And instead of waiting for it to happen I’m going to make it happen.